Why Families Are Only Attending Your Church 1 to 2 Times a Month

As we head into a new year, there is an ongoing area of concern when it comes to families attending church consistently. 

Let's be honest.  The average family attends your church 1 to 2 times a month.  Yes, there are exceptions to this.  At most churches, there is a core group of people who are there nearly every week.  Normally, these are key volunteers that are bought in with the church's vision and are very, very committed to spreading the good news of the Gospel. 

I was raised in this type of household.  We were at church every time the doors were open.  The primary reason was because my parents were in full-time ministry and were, again, committed to spreading the Gospel, first and foremost to their own family and then the world.

So...why the shift?  Why are the average families in our churches only attending church 1 to 2 times a month?  

Here are some of the biggies...

Sports 

We live in a culture where involvement in sports is considered an important part of a child's growing up experience. Parents are very committed to seeing their children involved in sports. 

Don't get me wrong. I think sports for kids is a good thing.  I played sports growing up...but not during church time.  In that time, very few sporting events for kids were held on Sunday, so it was not an issue.  

Fast forward to today.  Kids are involved in sports to the extreme. For many, many families sports takes precedent over church.  I was talking with a mother a few days ago and she was sharing with me that their family will be gone for the next 5 weekends as their 10-year-old daughter has dance competitions.  

This is the norm for many families and it is a big reason why families are only attending your church 1 to 2 times a month or even less.

You can read more about sports and church attendance in a recent article I wrote called "Travel Ball Children's Ministry?" Yes or No?

Online Church

I remember talking with a family at church before the service. The father told me he would have rather stayed home as a family and watched online that day.  But he went on to say that they showed up in person because their daughter didn't want to miss her small group.  

Online church is a great way to reach and disciple people.  I believe any church that is not reaching people online is missing a key component in today's culture. 

But that being said...for kids...I don't believe anything can replace the personal interaction kids have with other children, caring volunteers, and engaging children's pastors / directors when they are at church in person.

Divorce

Many families have joint custody due to divorce. One parent attends church consistently and the other  parent does not.  This obviously means that when they are with one parent they are in church and when they are with the other parent they are not in church.  This means they are only in church twice a month or less.

Lowered Expectations

When I was a kid growing up in church, there was an attendance chart on the wall.  Each child in the class had their name on the attendance chart.  Every Sunday we were in attendance, we got a star by our name. It was a big deal.  We all wanted to have perfect attendance and strove for it. 

Today, I believe we fall short in encouraging parents to have their children (and themselves) in church on a consistent basis. Yes, there are weekends when families are going to be gone.  Holidays.  Vacations. Sickness.  Business.

Yes...we have to be balanced while we are encouraging families to be in church each week.  We don't want to become legalistic in this. But I am afraid we have swung too far the other way and rarely share with parents how important it is to have their children in church each week. 

What can we do as ministry leaders as we face this dilemma? 

I don't have all the answers in changing families' hearts and helping them see the importance of being in church consistently.  But I do believe there are some key steps we can take to help in this area.  Let's talk about a few of them.

Start when the children are young. 

One of the best things I have done when it comes to this is talking about the importance of church attendance to young parents.  Let's be honest.  You are going to have a hard time getting parents to pull their 4th grader out of sports that conflict with when your church offers services. 

But you can encourage young parents to live out Matthew 6:33 and put God first as they raise their children.

One of the best times to do this is during your Parent and Child Dedication.  Have a dedication class that parents have to go through before they dedicate their child.  In this class, spend some time talking about the importance of church attendance.  Talk about living out Matthew 6:33 as a family and putting God first in every area of their life.  If you can connect with parents about this when their children are young, you will see more parents bringing their children to church consistently.

I have a parent and child class that emphasizes this. I have used this class to see many, many parents "get it" in the area of church attendance. You can get more information and order it at this link.   

Offer alternatives. 

Could your church host a sport's league?  

Basketball?  Soccer?  Flag Football?  Cheerleading?

I have used Upward sports several times in local churches and saw great results not only with helping families attend church but also reaching unchurched families. Could your church offer a summer sport's camp?  This could be used in place of VBS or be offered as a separate program.  

Help parents see the importance of church attendance in child discipleship.

Think about this. 

If a child only attends church once a month, they are missing 75% of the Bible teaching. 

If a child only attends church twice a month, they are missing 50% of the Bible teaching. 

If a child only attended school once or twice a month, they would receive a very limited education. The same principle applies with church attendance.  Frequency of church attendance can be a measuring mark in faith development.

We must help parents understand that their children are watching them.  When parents skip church or put church as just another item to check off their "to do" list if they don't have anything else planned, it  whispers to children that church is not a priority.  When children see this, they are more prone to not make church a priority at all. 

What one generation sees as optional, the next generation will see as unnecessary. Dale Hudson

What do see in your ministry? 

Does these stats ring true for you?

What are some other things that hinder consistent church attendance?

How can we encourage parents to be more consistent when it comes to church attendance?

Share your thoughts with everyone in the comment section below.